Connections

Are you connected with anyone else in your world? I am proud to say I am, to this wonderful woman:

Chery and I have been together for almost 15 years. I wish I had met her earlier when our paths did cross many years ago.

Note

I have to note that today would have been my father's birthday. He was an accountant, and was born on "tax day". Seems appropriate!

We go to Gateway Community Church in Austin. This is a non-denominational church founded by John Burke to help those folks who are lost in this world find connections with others in this community, and with God. We want anyone to come and join us; believers, non-believers, anyone is welcome to explore their beliefs in this group. We have been a part of this church as it has grown over the last decade into a wonderful place where we are all making many "connections" MY wife is on the Board of Directors, and I am proud of her work in that role.

This message is not going to tell you you have to believe in God, that is up to you. You do need to know one very important thing.

We were meant to live our lives with other people

We were not meant to live our lives alone. We were meant to be "connected" with others. We all share our lives with others, whether we set out to do so intentionally, or not. We interact with others all the time. But are you really connected?

The geeks view of connections

I teach about small computers in my work as a Professor of Computer Science here in Austin. In part of one of my classes, we work with really small computers, designed to be buried into all kinds of things: cars, phones, even toys. These computers are built in such a way that they have a number of "connection" pins where they are hooked up with motors, light sensors, temperature probes, display lights, all kinds of things. Each connection has an interesting property. We can program the connection to be an "input" connection, or we can program it to be an "output" connection. It cannot do both at the same time, but we can switch gears when we want.

I started thinking about human connections the other day, and it struck me that people seem to do the same thing. When we "connect" with others, we program the connection to be either an "input" or an "output"

Input connections

You know what these are. You need to get your car fixed, so you go to the car dealer's service center and walk up to your support person. You establish an "input" connection where you are seeking help from that person for your problem. You want that person at the other end of your connection to listen to your concerns, and do something for you. You probably have no thought about helping them in any real way. At the moment, you are in "input" mode! You hope the support person is in "output" mode!

Nothing wrong with that, we need such a connection when we need help.

Output connections

On the other hand, as an educator, I establish connections with my students all the time. When we begin a new class, my connection with each student is definitely an "output" connection. I want to help them learn a new skill, one I hope will help them live a fascinating life. I have been there, and done that, and I want them to have the same success I had, and just as much fun.

You could argue that after the class starts, I switch modes and change my connections with my students into an "input" connection as I ask them to turn in lab assignments and take tests. Such is life. That is how we teach in this word, these days. It looks like real human connections always switch modes as they evolve.

I am sure some will think I am over simplifying this idea way too much. Hey, these are my thoughts - some good, some not so good.

Are you an input person, or an output person?

Why I started thinking about all this really goes back to my thinking about how I have lived my life so far. I started off a shy kid, afraid of establishing connections with others (especially girls) and ended up spending a lot of time on my own. I explored the Washington, D.C. area and learned a bunch on my own. I thought I was happy, but I was missing something. Except for a few close friends who shared my passion for aviation, I had few connections back them.

However, as I grew up, I was surrounded by a group of people who were definitely "output" people. With no thought about getting anything back, they dedicated their lives to giving to others, sometimes giving up their lives to help others. My parents generation went to war. They went to a war few growing up today can even comprehend. There were people in this world back then (and even today, I am afraid) who would do anything to get what they wanted, even destroy entire cultures if needed. My "output" people dedicated their lives to stopping them. I was impressed. I also saw how important it was that such people exist in this world. I set out to become one.

Look at my choices in life. I set out to learn how to build flying vehicles to transport my fellow man to places they wanted to go. I joined the USAF to help protect my fellow man from the absolute crazy people still out there, even after we won that war. Along the way, I discovered that I was pretty good as an educator, so I set out to become a professor, who could help others learn the skills they need to live fulfilling lives.

I am definitely an "output" person by nature, and I like that!

I never made any choice based on what it would get me. I did it because I thought it would benefit others. I never chased the dollar, but it followed me well enough. I am happy with my choices (well, most of them. I have screwed up more times than I like to admit!)

I am convinced that we tend to hang out with people who share your basic beliefs. Early on in our relationship (another term for a close connection), Cheryl told me she was worried that she might not make a difference in this world. Definitely the thoughts of an "output" person! I set out to push her a bit, to show her what she could do to really make a difference. I could see that she had it in her to really do well, she was just a bit shy about doing so. Know what? It worked. She is a highly respected person in this town, dedicated to helping others. What is cool is that her focus is on the non-profit world. Wow! More "output" people helping others. This is too cool!

Problems in this world

I am convinced that many of the problems we see in this world come because too many of us spend most of our time programmed in "input" mode. We want stuff! (I like stuff, Cheryl will tell you I am surrounded by it!). What I mean is that these folks seldom think about how their lives will benefit others, they are more concerned with what it will do for them! I worry about those folks a lot. They are missing out on real satisfaction in their lives.

(How many times do you hear people gloat about how many "friends" they have on Facebook? Are any of those "connections" ones you can really be proud of? Unfortunately, most of folks "friends" are not people they can even name.)

Switching to input mode

Since I spend so much of my time in "output" mode, it is hard for me to switch sometimes.

Right now (tomorrow, in fact), I will enter the hospital to begin another battle with cancer. I will be surrounded by people in "output" mode. People who are dedicated to saving my life. I trust them all, and am grateful for how they have lived their lives, and how dedicated they are to their professions.

I am also surrounded by an incredible support system, full of hundreds of folks who are wishing Cheryl and I well. Thoughts and prayers are coming in from everywhere! It is humbling to discover how many connections I actually have. All of them are in "output" mode, thinking about me and my upcoming surgery, worrying about Cheryl. I have trouble accepting all this support, but I am coping!

Cheryl to the rescue

My wonderful wife is helping me through all this. She has taken over making sure all the folks in my support system are kept informed at every step of the way. Me? I will be out of it. On drugs, sleeping, hoping for the best.

More help is on the way, as well

Some of my support is coming from surprising places. I graduated from high school almost 50 years ago. As a result of this blog, one of those girls I was terrified of back in school stumbled on my blog and asked if she could let others in our class look at it. I was very happy to let that happen, and it opened up a flood of messages from folks who helped shape my life all those year ago. This is amazing. (Judy, I thank you for that!) It also brought back many old memories that have been the basis for a few of my postings.

Thanking my support team

Before closing, I want to say a special thanks to some of the support folks who have made this unexpected journey much more bearable. If you are in my support system and not listed, please know that I am especially grateful for each of you! You all matter to me, and I do not mean to slight any of you.

(Hmmm, if you feel slighted, you need to reprogram to "output" mode, that is "input" mode at work!)

Each of these folks are definitely "output" people.

Family

Cheryl - without doubt, the most important connection in my life.

Connie, and Karen (my sisters) - who will be here to help me through radiation

Bill - Cousin from Wyoming, coming down to be with Cheryl during the first few weeks

all the other family members who have prayed, emailed, and called with their support

Friends

Jim Petty - my best friend for almost 40 years

Church

John Burke - he grabbed Cheryl and I on the walk after he gave the Easter sermon to pray for us

Eric Bryant - South Campus Pastor, and friend.

Work

Mary Kohls - My boss, who managed to get me unhooked from this semester so I can concentrate on healing.

My High School chums

Judy Ingalls Hughes - Who helped my classmates find out what was going on, and generated a ton of unexpected support.

All the others

Believe me, there is a huge list if folks who are out there supporting my wife and I in all this. You are all special in out hearts. Thanks is such a small word for what we feel for all of you.

God's love

I do believe in God. It took a while for my engineer's brain to come to terms with this. But I have. I feel His presence in this upcoming trial. I am praying that He helps all those around me get through this as well.

Thanks to all who have been in touch with me as we get ready for tomorrow. Cheryl and I are ready, and we are confident that with all your support, and with Gods love, it will turn out just fine.