I watch way too much TV. Wait! Actually, I do not watch that much TV. Instead, I sit in front of a TV, laptop in my lap (where else is it supposed to be?), and work, answer email, or do research. I suppose that is OK.
The TV is on, and usually it is on some channel that has something I can stand to watch. I rarely sit there just watching. I do my work, and occasionally glance at the TV.
Warning
There is no intelligent life on any channel below 30.
I refuse to get involved in anything with a "reality" tag on it. There is nothing "real" about any of those, except real stupid. Sorry, most of those "personalities" used up their 15 minutes of fame years ago and should disappear!
I watch the news, a lot of science shows, history shows, and cop shows. On cable TV you can watch these non-stop for days. I suspect I have seen (or at least heard) them all!
Cheryl hates the cop shows, way too violent. Actually, I like "Blue Bloods", with Tom Selleck. He is giving a great performance in this one, really redeeming himself after "Magnum PI", years ago!
When not watching cop shows, I seem to land on the Hallmark Channel a lot, for reasons I have yet to figure out
Formula TV
It seems Hollywood and TV-land have run out of creative writers. Most of what you see on TV, or in the movies, seems to have been done before. All we can do is repeat those old stories over again with "fresh" faces. That means the producers don't need to think much, all they need to do is make sure they follow the script.
Wait!
That means acting has spilled over into management. You read the script and do what you are told. Not much creativity there!
The Hallmark Channel has this down to a science in their movies.
Here is the formula:
Since this is a channel that specializes in "chick flicks" the girl is always going to get the right guy in the end. We all know that.
Obviously we need a girl. We also need to give her a job of some sort. Select one from this list:
- Wedding Planner
- Flower shop owner
- Professional in Dad's business
- City girl with a really good job of some sort
Optional: give the girl a kid from a previous marriage.
Next we need a good guy and a bad guy. You get to choose if the girl is currently seeing either of these folks.
Throw in a basic situation:
- Pending marriage to the bad guy
- Bad guy works with her in her current job
- Good guy is living in a small town with a nice life
- It helps if she was from this small town
- It really helps if she used to date the good guy
- She is about to be promoted in her current job
We also need a trigger event that sets things off:
- While traveling, she gets stuck in the small town, good guy to the rescue
- She needs to be there for some event and runs into the good guy
Mix And Match
We can mix up these ingredients and make a movie that goes like this:
- Scene 1: Introduce the girl
- Scene 2: Introduce the bad guy
- Scene 3: Introduce the good guy
- Scene 4: Stage the situation
- Scene 5: Girl falls for the good guy
- Scene 6: Bad Guy appears, which throws her life into turmoil
- Scene 7: Good guy does something stupid, sending her back to the bad guy
- Scene 8: Bad guy does something even more stupid, throwing her back to the good guy.
- Scene 9: Good guy proposes
- Scene 10: Live happily ever after.
Rinse, Repeat
There you go! You can use this formula (with my permission) to become a famous producer on Hallmark Channel. Let me know how it goes.
You can cook up a lot of shows like this. It is even worse than that. Hallmark Channel seems to sign on actors and actresses for life. They appear in leading roles in one movie, and as bit players in another one. What a career that must make!
And I have seen them all.
HGTV
It is either that or watch yet another home renovation show. Cheryl is addicted to this channel (it has its own formula) I HATE the word "reno", which is not a real word anyway! Those shows remind me of our Kansas City house rebuild project. As cool as that place has become, it has taken a lot of blood, sweat, and money, and I am done with looking at houses in their underwear. I never want to see another bare 2x4 again!
On the other hand, there is a couple on HGTV whose mission in life is rebuilding every home in Waco, Texas. Cheryl and I are planning a weekend up there to visit their shop, and see how they are doing. They may become co-Mayors of Waco if they keep this up!
Back to Work
The TV is on now, another cop show for the moment. Hallmark movies are later in the day!
Sigh!
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