I am on my vacation trip today, spending some time in Dayton, Ohio and visiting old haunts. I started my Air Force career here and lived in Dayton for over 10 years, so it is fun driving around trying to see if I recognize things after all of this time. It is something of a shock to see how the town has changed in the past 30 years, though.
Yesterday, I did an airport tour of the area, and went as far south as Cincinnati. I used to fly into all the airports I visited, and all of them have changed a lot. I also visited one half of Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, the part where the Commissary is located, so I could do some shopping for baby food. (I am getting used to my meals being mushy, but I did think I outgrew this stuff a bazillion years ago!)
Today, I wore myself out walking around the Air Force Museum. I will post pictures from that visit later, since the wifi in my motel is pathetic. Here is one shot you might find amusing, though.
Ever seen a one-eyed astronaut?
In the meantime, let's explore a puzzle!
The Puzzle Part
One problem I have been grappling with lately is the puzzle of living with cancer. There seem to be two schools of thought on how you should live.
Live like you are dying
That was a Tim McGraw song a few years back, and the lyrics of that song went through my mind the night before this latest surgery. Basically, this approach says the heck with being safe, go off and do the things you always wanted to do, but maybe were too afraid to do. You never know, you might not be alive tomorrow, so do not put them off. Cheryl might be harbouring thoughts that this is my approach to life when I ride my motorcycle, or when I take my near-supersonic ride in the F4 (are they ever going to get that engine back in running condition?)
There is something to be said for this approach. Too many of us would love to do something in this life, but we put it off until "tomorrow" (whenever that happens to be). Know what? Most of the time, tomorrow never comes, and those things never happen. We end up missing something in life, and we just let that happen.
The Bucket List, a movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, explored this approach to life. I put off watching this one while going through my first run with cancer (weird, isn't it? I put off watching a movie on not putting things off - HA!)
My problem with this approach, and why it is a puzzle to me, is this. If you live life as though there is no tomorrow, and only do those things you might put off, you are focusing on only short term goals. Things that take little time out of whatever time you do have left. I am not sure I like living like that. I still want to do those "bucket list" things (like the F4 ride), but I do not want to miss out on those things that belong in the second school of thought on how to live.
Live like the cancer is not there
The second approach to living with cancer says you ignore the cancer. (Right! Like that can happen.) What this means is that there are goals we all have that take time to check off, sometimes a lot of time. I would like to write a book, I want to upgrade my amateur radio license so I can use my short-wave radio to talk to folks around the world. I want to fight the FAA into submission and get my pilot's license activated again.
All of these things are going to take time to accomplish. When I think about them, I get depressed thinking I might not last long enough to get any of them done. My puzzle is obvious. If I am going to tackle any of these long term goals, I have to fight through that depression and actually get those things done.
I mentioned this problem to my friend Jim Petty one time, saying that I was having a problem starting projects I was not sure I was going to live long enough to finish. Jim told me I should start those long term projects! Don't worry about the end! Enjoy the project!
MY solution
I think I am actually living a bit of both styles of living with my cancer. I suspect I am spending more time with the second, rather than the first.
It seems like most of the time I am ignoring the cancer, or trying to. I think I am actually dealing with it best by keeping my mind focused on projects that are going to take time. I have done this kind of thing all my life. I come up with projects and spend tons of time working them out in my mind. I actually have trouble sleeping because my mind is working so hard on these projects, I cannot turn them off and fall asleep!
One problem I have lived with my whole life is often I do not finish the projects I start. I am a curious person, and I work on projects until I can see how to finish them. But then, I lose interest in the project. The challenge is in figuring things out. I actually enjoy that challenge more than seeing the project finished. Once I know it can be done, I am off to something else that needs figuring out. What I need is a bunch of helpers to finish the projects for me.
Know what, I should be back teaching graduate school. Then I would have slave labor to do just that. We used to call them graduate students! To bad I teach in a two-year school!
Model Airplanes
Tomorrow, I leave for Muncie, Indiana and the Academy of Model Aeronautics Free-Flight Nationals. I am looking forward to watching this particular event, because it involves something I competed in in high school and college, and I miss that! These competitions challenge the contestant to read the rising air caused by the sun heating it up (we call those bubbles of air thermals), then launch an airplane powered by either a gas or electric engine that has a short motor run, usually 10 seconds or so, causing it to climb up into that thermal as high as possible. Then the model airplane has to glide all by itself, hopefully rising in the thermal, and stay aloft for a minimum of three minutes. If you succeed at this, you do it again until you fail to stay up the required three minutes. It is a form of elimination event, the person who does things right and keeps going the longest wins.
Once you launch the airplane, you have no control over what happens. It is a lot more fun to do than this might sound, and it is a challenge to do it well.
The hard part of all this is chasing down the airplane at the end of the flight. The models actually have timers on them that cause the elevator to make the airplane nose up and stall (a condition where the wing no longer generates enough lift to stay flying). The model then does something like parachuting down using the wing to slow the thing down so it does not get hurt in the landing. If the wind is blowing too hard, the model can drift a long way off, and you have to chase after it to retrieve it for the next flight. We used to do this with motorcycles, and some use golf carts as well. The rest get more exercise than those playing golf! With any luck, I might get some video of all this and post it later in the week.
My Prayer List
Cheryl manages keeping up with all of those friends and family who keep praying for us in all this. We are both amazed and grateful for all that support. So, to all of you on that list, whether we know of you or not, thank you.
I am dealing with my puzzle as best I can, and keeping my mind full of long term project thoughts. I am working on my book in the evenings, when I am alone in the motel. I am also studying for my Amateur Radio upgrade test. The battle with the FAA is on my list, but I have to wait until I am off the pain medicine to really get that one done.
The cancer thoughts? Well, they are always there in the back of my mind. My puzzle is always figuring out how to beat them back down when they surface in my mind, and continue to enjoy the life I have now, and plan to have for as long as I can.
Remember to pray for Cheryl and me. We need your support even though it seems like we are doing well now. I will feel better about my long term projects after my next visit to M. D. Anderson in September!
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