Boy, do I hate these things. But, they are a fact of my life!
Yesterday, Cheryl and I faced yet another day of testing at M. D. Anderson. As thankful as we both are for the chance to fight this cancer in this place, walking the halls there is still a draining experience. Every step of the way, you are surrounded by the faces of people struggling through this evil fact of life.
There is the face of a man who clearly has cancer in the same area of his face that I have been fighting through. Half of his nose is gone. He is alone in the waiting room. There is the young woman sitting under a blanket in another waiting room, while a man close to her reads a book. I am not sure which one is the patient, and which one might be the care giver. Then, her name is called, and she jumps up, kisses her husband, and walks past me toward her future.
I just sit there praying for the best, and fighting off the fears once again.
This will last until I get the test results, which may be a week away.
3AM
I just woke up. It is 3AM after we got back to Austin, exhausted from the day, and fell into bed early.
I was dreaming a weird dream and woke up wondering what that was all about! Then everything came back into my head, and I needed to get up and write. Cheryl is still asleep, So here I am, trying to clear the fear once again! This time of waiting always has moments like this, until we hear the news, either way!
We both pray.
The Voice
Cheryl has been reading the Bible again, this time following a one-year plan published by our church. As we waited before our appointments today, she was doing her reading on her iPad. That is a great way to study the Bible, since the version she has on the iPad has study notes on one side of the screen, next to the passages she is reading. I have the same setup, but I have not been doing so well at reading the Bible.
She dug up references to Solomon's Temple and I leaned over and asked her if that was our next renovation project, after we get our home in Kansas City finished, which is looking like it might just happen, by the way! She looked at me with one of those "are you nuts" looks, and continued reading.
Later, I had to go to the bathroom, so she waited in the hallway as I found the nearest facility. As I walked up to her when I returned, she was visibly shaken a bit. She told me she had been praying that my tests would come out clean, and she heard a voice whisper to her "It is well!"
There was no one around. She was a bit overcome, and I believe her. We both believe. However, I just know God listens to her more than me, I am a tougher one to reach, I am afraid.
Still, it was a comfort, in the face of uncertainty, to hear that God is around. He has a lot of work to do in this place!
After that, as I looked around me in the waiting rooms, I saw several of the folks reading books with obvious religious themes. Right across from be I saw the back cover of a book by Joel Olsteen, pastor of a huge church on TV, which is only a few blocks from the La Quinta Cheryl and I stay at in Houston on these trips.
Visiting Friends
Cheryl and I drove to Houston the day before our appointments, and stayed the night with Cheryl's high school classmate, Sharon, and her husband, Dan. Oh yeah, and "Lit'l Bits", a slightly wired up terrier who yelled at us when we came up to their door, then was our best friend (as long as we scratched her) after that.
We went to a local Italian restaurant for dinner, which was fine, at least until I had a huge problem swallowing something in the middle of the meal. My swallow mechanism has been blasted by the radiation, and it is occasionally hard to get things down. Usually, I just take a drink and everything is fine, but this time, that did not work. I tried to swallow some of my drink, and it went straight up into my nose. It was a mess. Cheryl saw I was having problems, and asked if I was all right, which I could not really answer. I was not choking, but I had something part way down my throat, and it was very uncomfortable. I finally managed to get things cleared up, but I was done with dinner at that point.
I was hoping for some Tiramisu, but that thought went away as well.
We went back to our friend's home, played with the dog a bit more, then we went to bed, since we had to get up early to make our way through morning rush hour to get to M. D. Anderson. At least we had a chance to visit and enjoy some time with friends. That helps keep the thoughts away about why we are really there.
The next morning, we tried to sneak out of the house, but Sharon heard us and came outside to see us off, and to talk about getting together again next week, when we return to visit with Dr. Lai, who will go over the test results. He is out of town now, so we will not be getting a report until then.
I hate that waiting part, but we have done this before.
Driving through morning traffic was a typical mess. The route was simple, but packed with commuters going every which way. We managed to get to the hospital with only a couple of delays around Minute Maid Stadium, home of the Houston Astros, or so I read as I sat there while Cheryl drove in.
A few miles South of downtown, is hospital row. Texas Medical Center, Methodist Hospital, and, of course, the huge M. D. Anderson complex are all in the same area. We managed to get into the parking garage and for a change, the place was not packed. We found a spot on level 5, we have been as high as level 10 on some of our visits.
We walked from the garage to the elevator, and took a short ride down to the third floor, where a walkway connects the main hospital to the garage.
Elevator Smooch
You do know the rules, don't you? When you and your loved one are alone in an elevator, you are given a wonderful chance to share a private moment together, and, of course, a kiss. Cheryl is used to my silliness, and always laughs when I pull this off. You will never see it, it is a private thing. It has become a tradition between us. I hope others do the same.
On our way to our first appointment, we had to ride the golf-cart to a clinic about a half mile away (along another covered walkway connecting buildings). We had time for breakfast, which was only possible since my CT scan was scheduled for 1:40pm and I could not eat for three hours before that. After breakfast, we headed for the elevator to go to the "Reconstruction Clinic". We passed the "Water Fall" in the lobby of the Mayes Clinic on the way:
This piece of wall has water pouring over all the marble, and we had never really stopped and looked at it. A few feet away is that silly tree we posted in previous articles! We both want one of these in our garden area. Unfortunately, it is two stories tall, so we might have to shrink it a bit:
Dr. Yu
Our first appointment of the day was with Dr. Yu, our plastic Surgeon. Since my mouth is sagging on my left side, and I drool a lot when I try to eat or drink as a result, we were hoping he might be able to do some "tweaking" to pull that side of my mouth up a bit.
We got to our appointment a bit early, checked in and got the requisite wrist band which has patient information everyone checks before any procedure.
We collect all the paperwork from each trip and keep it in a notebook (actually several notebooks) like this. Cheryl has been keeping records for as long as we have been on this trip together. Hopefully, some of this will make it into one of her famous scrapbooks, and we can go back and remember the times we spend fighting this beast.
As we waited for Dr. Yu, Cheryl had a chance to revisit her favorite fisheys:
We were a bit early, and both of us sat reading on iPads as the place filled up! It must have been Trachea Day, since I say about six folks walk in with those neck bands holding in the plug used to cover the hole in your neck while you use one (as I well remember from a year ago!)
Finally, we were called into our first office room for our visit. Dr Yu came in and said his hellos. He looked me over, asked how things were going, and when we explained the problems I have been having eating and drinking, he just shook his head.
I have lost most of the nerves on the left side of my face. As a result, the muscles that normally hold your mouth in place are slowly shrinking due to lack of use. And that side of my face sags. There is not much he can do to stop this, and he said it will get worse over time. Great! In the end, he had nothing he could recommend to fix things. I guess I will just need a good supply of towels so I can wipe away the mess when I eat.
Cheryl and I both decided we are going to visit with my first plastic surgeon, Dr. Snyder, for a second opinion when we get back to Austin!
So we left the area a bit disappointed with the results. I was not really surprised by this, he had basically said the same thing six months earlier. I was hoping things might have changed a bit. Oh well.
Mime
We had some time before seeing the vampires for their feeding at noon (I thought they slept during the day!) We decided to spend some time on the patio outside the Waterfall Café where we had breakfast. The air conditioning in the hospital was going strong, and sitting outside in the Houston heat was actually pretty nice. I tried to read a bit, but lost interest in that, and just sat there.
Cheryl? Well, she was playing "Clash of the Clans" on her iPad. (Or is it "Clash of the clowns? I forget!) That is a game our grandson loaded so Grandma can learn how to play it with him!
Cheryl thought this was neat, she would have it with her when she visited and that would be that!
Wrong!
This silly game is Internet enabled. And it records every "battle" your clan has with another clan. You can play those battles back and learn how to do better. Fine. What is not fine is that other players can see how your battles go if you send the recorded battle to them. So Mr. Colin has been checking on Grandma's progress by having her send a record to him! Durn! That means she has to play this game and report to the grandson. So, she spent a couple of hours "training her troops". Poor girl!
As I waited, I looked around at other folks on the patio. Way across the way I saw a bench with what looked like a statue of a man dressed in jeans with a blue shirt. Puzzling, why would anyone put up such a thing. Then I noticed a subtle movement and realized it was a mime. Haven't seen one of those for years. (I think the last one was in Paris!) The guy was standing behind the bench, slightly stooped over, with his arms curved around like he was holding on to someone, and his hands a foot apart. He had a huge head of curly blond hair that reached his shoulders.
I watched him for about 20 minutes and he never wavered. Wait, I just saw him reach to his side and scratch an itch! Then another 5 minutes with no movement.
Who wakes up in the morning and thinks "I guess I will go be a mime at M. D. Anderson today"?
Anyway, after all this standing perfectly still, I noticed him ever so slowly twist to the left and right to see if anyone was around. Then he just sort of sagged into a normal standing position and he was done. He sat down, then went inside and came back out with lunch.
Weird!
Phantom Update
After all that mime watching, I called the Collings Foundation to check on my F4D Phantom II fighter jet. It has been grounded for over a year while they rebuild one of the engines and the ejection seats. As it turns out, all the parts are in, and they are rebuilding the airplane now! That means it should be ready to fly in a few weeks!
Then I get my ride. Finally!
Cheryl was happy to hear this (although I just know she is apprehensive about me going up in a supersonic fighter jet!) We have been waiting for this "bucket list" ride for some time!
Feeding Time
Another ritual of these visits is feeding the vampires. Normally this is the first thing we do, as early as 6AM! This time, it was scheduled for noon, so we headed to that center. We did not wait long, and were in and out so fast, I hardly even noticed when she stole my blood! We had 20 minutes before our next stop.
The CT Scan
This is the big one, the reason we are really there. Another megabuck ride through the donut!
We spent about an hour in the waiting room, with more people watching going on. Cheryl read her Bible. Then a nurse called me in for the IV. She checked my arm, then decided to go for the back of my hand. I hate that! Needles (and doctors) are the only things I am allergic to, and I am not thrilled with needles in my hand. Arm? OK! I should be used to this by now!
The IV stick was as usual, a short sting, then it was done. The nurse taped the IV tubes in place on the back of my hand and sent me back out to wait some more. With the needle in my hand, I cannot bend it without a twitch of pain, so I had to be careful with where I placed my hand.
More people watching, then they called me in for the scan.
I was guided to the dressing room with a group of about six other patients. They showed us lockers where we would place our clothes, and gave us an assortment of blue hospital clothes, depending on where the scan was to be. I got a simple shirt, so I changed and headed off for another small waiting room. I almost fell asleep there waiting for my turn.
Finally, a girl came into the room, and led me to the waiting donut machine. There must be close to 20 of these in this area! I did the normal thing, took off my glasses and hearing aide, put everything on the counter, then laid down on the table that moves you through the machine. Another technician hooked up a syringe to my IV and told me he was going to flush it out with Saline.
Pain!
When he pushed it in it stung like crazy. I yelled at him, and he said he would go slower, but still it stung as he did this.
Then he hooked up the "contrast" to the IV. This is a solution that makes things easier to see on the resulting images they make. When that thing started pumping in the solution, I almost screamed. It did not just sting, like before. This time, it hurt like crazy, and the pain shot all the way up to my elbow! I almost yelled at them to stop, when he said it was over. Still it ached for several minutes. The "easy' IV must not have found a vein very big at all, and they were forcing way too much fluid through it! That has never happened before, and I sure do not want to have it happen again!
The donut ride was not so bad after all that. The contrast makes you feel hot from the inside out, letting you know it is working its way through your body. A few quick jiggles as they roll you back and forth through the machine, and you are done.
Dinner and a Drive
We had not eaten in quite a while, so we decided to stop in the Café in the main building for something before we headed back home. We managed to get through Houston traffic with only minor delays (it was early for rush hour), made it to I-10 and sailed back to Austin in our normal three hour or so drive.
We were both exhausted from the day. Not that it was physically demanding. It was emotionally demanding! We made sure our kitty was taken care of, and we both went to bed to unwind.
At least I did until 3AM
More Thanks
Even after all of this time, I still hear from folks who read this blog. Thanks to all of you for doing so, I hope it helps you as much as it helps me. We are grateful for the support you have shown both of us. Cheryl and I have met many wonderful new friends as a result of this writing I do, and we both know we have done something to help others through their times of pain as well. We thank God for His support to all who suffer through this beast we call cancer.
It is 5:30 now. I got to feed the cat around 4AM (silly cat). I am going to try to get a bit more sleep.
And, try not to think about today!
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